Uncontrolled
by Breathe In Butterfly
Summary: She had always assumed that she understood how it felt to be completely uncontrolled. She had always been wrong. Eventually Bella/Jasper. Post New Moon.
1. Preface

"_Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand."_

_-Unknown_

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* * *

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Uncontrolled  
-Preface

_It was hard to fathom how someone so tiny could hold so much emotion. The sheer power and volume of it was enough to floor me. I found myself relieved when she would leave our house. It was too much to take, there was too much pain. _

_However, any relief was only momentary, at times like this when she had long vacated our premises the worry would set in. If I couldn't handle the mere reflection of her pain, then how did she bear it alone? If I had the ability to sleep, I'm guessing that thought would keep me up at night, but I don't, and so instead it haunts my every waking moment. It is slow torture and I know that I'm the one to blame._

_I opened her eyes to our true nature. I lost control and I nearly killed her. I was the reason my family had to leave. I was the reason Edward left her. I was the reason she jumped off of a cliff. I was the reason she nearly died time and time over. I was the reason for it all and she doesn't blame me. She should._

_Edward does. He pretends he doesn't, but I know better. I know his emotions, and although he feels guilty for it, he blames me. He doesn't want me anywhere near her. But she, as always, protests with her constant presence in this damned house._

_I think she still doesn't understand how dangerous I am to her. If she did, she would never come back again. On her birthday, I didn't just want to kill her, I wanted to rip her to pieces and drink her blood. I wanted it with every fibre of my being. I wanted it more than I have ever wanted anything. For a moment, nothing else mattered to me: not my humanity, or my ever forgiving family, not even the woman I love. For a moment, it faded away and all that mattered was the blood lust. _

_I am the truest form of the word monster. I am the most deadly predator wearing a human disguise, yet still, she's not afraid._

_I don't think she understands what it means to be completely uncontrolled. _

_I worry that I may show her._


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One

_I was completely out of my depth. I was lost in an eerie cavernous space of nothingness and surrounded by spiralling colours that formed a disorientating blur that attacked my senses with intangible closeness. There was an odd feeling of familiarity as if the swirls were fast moving moments from my life merging together. Distant whispers seemed to come from all around me and I strained my ears to listen. The voices gradually grew louder, until they reached an almost deafening volume, but I couldn't make out a single word. There were far too many voices and they rapidly became indistinctive. I started to panic but my screams were soon drowned out the booming voices. _

_All of a sudden time seemed to come to a halt and silence reigned. In the slow moving blur, I found familiarity, as a low voice started to speak. "Bella, we're leaving." I tried to reach him and I ran into the blur but no matter how fast I ran I never got any closer. _

"_Edward!" I screamed desperately._

_His voice showed no signs of recognition, as he continued with his monologue. "You can't come with us." _

_I was gripped in clutches of panic and I fell to my knees and crawled through the blur. I cried his name over and over again but found no tangibility within the dizzying confusion._

_His voice was cold and sounded full of resentment as he spat out the vicious words that could destroy my world, "I don't love you."_

_The floor gave way under my hands and knees and I was plunged through darkness falling so fast that I was unable to catch my breath. My stomach felt as though it had jumped into my mouth and I screamed so loud I thought for sure my lungs would tear but it was the least of my worries as from somewhere above me I heard him mutter "I never did."_

_Then as quickly as I fell I seemed to stop but I couldn't see anything, other than a heavy mist that seemed to wrap around me like a bone chillingly cold blanket. I pushed myself onto wobbly legs. The mist was so thick that it seeped into my lungs, causing me to choke, and my burning eyes to stream. _

_I heard a rustling and my eyes darted around, but nothing was there. But the sound continued circling me, like a predator circles its prey. I adapted my weak fighting stance, and tried to remain alert. And then I saw it: Victoria's face flashed through the fog. She wore blood smeared as war paint as though preparing for a battle and her bright red eyes were focused on me. I froze in fear._

"_I'm going to rip you apart" she hissed. The distant whispers returned as she spoke and I tried to scream, but instead I started to choke._

_She continued. "There's no one left to save you. The Cullen's are long gone and the wolves have disowned you. You're all alone now and you're going to die."_

_Jasper's voice suddenly burst through the whispers in the mist and an eerie darkness set in. "Let me have her!" he screeched, his voice was wild and shaking with bloodlust._

_I called for Edward but I already knew it was pointless. He was gone. Once again, the silence grew unbearable and the mist spun around me, it had built up a dizzying speed. When I finally felt as though I would fall a strong pair of arms encircled me from behind. I could feel the empty breath on my neck and it made my skin tingle and my hair stand on end. Taking notice of the cold scarred hand on my arm I felt both relieved and petrified at the same time. "Jasper, is that you?" _

_His hands fell from my body but he didn't move away. The breath caught in my dry throat and my stomach churned with fear as I took a hesitant step forward and then turned to face the vampire that had once been so desperate to end my life._

_Black eyes flashed hungrily at me and I lost any semblance of strength in that moment. My body crumbled and I stumbled forwards until he grabbed my arms in a bruising grasp that felt painfully tangible. I was afraid but my foolish eyes wouldn't leave his. The only thought that was in my head was that I hoped he'd finish me off quickly. I didn't want to have to look into those eyes, as he hurt me, and watch them turn blood red._

_He leaned closer to me and thought my death was approaching but instead he spoke in soft and low voice into my ear. "There's no-one here to stop me," he whispered in a warm tone that sounded almost tender and stroked a smooth hand lightly across the side of my face._

"_Please don't hurt me," I pleaded. His expression didn't change as he wiped the unrestrained tears from my cheeks and then brought his fingertips to mouth tasting my tears on his tongue._

"_Oh Bella," he purred soothingly. "When will you realise it's not me you need to be afraid of?"_

"_What's that supposed to mean?" I asked but as the question left my lips he disappeared and all that was left was darkness._

"_No!" I cried and tried to claw at it. "Jasper, please don't leave me! What's going to happen?"_

_In a moment quicker than a heartbeat the world exploded into colour and Victoria appeared before me, her face was just a fraction from mine. In response my chest tightened and my heart felt like it had stopped. Then she leapt forward with her face morphed in a distorted animalistic expression of hunger and her fangs poised to rip my neck open. As she pounced she growled the words that made my blood run cold in my burning veins: "the end."_

_It was then with a flash of blood red eyes that I saw them. They were hidden in the darkness watching me. They were waiting just beyond my view. The Volturi had come for me._

_The others waited but Aro approached me and offered me a chalk white hand. I moved backwards._

"_Now Bella, we're all friends here." He smiled with a deceptive warmness that didn't quite meet his calculating eyes and I recoiled at the sudden glimpse of his deadly teeth. With disgust I wondered how many lives he'd taken with them._

_His eyes bore into mine and a strange feeling came over me. "Take my hand," he ordered and I planned to refuse but without my permission my hand drifted towards his and I was filled with horror._

"_Good," he whispered. "Now let me show you what we'll do, together." He said the last word as our hands contacted and my chills ran across every inch of my skin. And then he was gone and I was in the middle of a forest. It took me a second to understand but I heard the screams, and turned around and then I saw it. At the centre of the chaos, at Aro's right hand, I stood._

_Only it wasn't me there was something too polished and striking, strong and cold. I could never be that could I? I wanted to look away, to just look at anything other than what I was doing but I couldn't. I was frozen in some sort of hypnotic trance as a watched myself rip and tear through the fragile humans that helplessly tried to stop me._

_A multitude of bodies writhed in a bloodthirsty struggle, despite the fading light that made it almost impossible for human eyes to see. A small tickling sensation of fear crept into the pit of my stomach, at the thought that, soon they may be defending in complete darkness. I prayed that the horror would soon end, as I stepped sharply to my right, to dodge Jacob, as he tackled a member of the guard. I ignored the screams of protest from my tired and aching muscles. To my horror, I realized I was treading on the blood-soaked and unmoving chest of one of my friends, Mike Newton._

_The ground was littered with so many mangled bodies, that it looked like a human carpet. I wanted to fall down onto my knees and scream out in grief, to block out the familiar sounds of pain echoing from every angle around me. It wouldn't stop. It would never stop. The sound of human screaming went on and on. _

_An image that I had tried to forget flooded my mind. The human screams from far below Rome, as they realized their dark fate. I had come so close I knew I would not escape next time._

_My own blood red eyes met mine and I knew Victoria had been right, this was the end._

* * *

It pulsated through me. It bubbled in my veins like a burning poison that slowly seeped into every broken fragment of my sanity. The remnants of another nightmare had me cowering at my bedside thrown straight from sleep into a panic attack. I breathed in short frantic gasps that made my head spin and my lungs ache. All the while my eyes searched the darkness for any signs of movement that would show I was not alone. I was both relieved and disappointed to realise there were none. I could not let Edward see me like this: so weak and pathetic. I imagined his slow churning looks of guilt as he'd hold me close until sleep took me, all the while refusing to meet my eyes and beating himself up.

Nightmares weren't unusual for me. For one weekend every month Edward would leave on a hunt and I would fall to pieces. My days would be spent with Alice, just idly watching the time pass by, but my nights were spent in terror. I would stay awake all night, curled in a ball, because every time I did surrender to sleep the nightmares would come back. Sometimes, like tonight, I would collapse from exhaustion before Edward returned.

I never told Edward about the nightmares. I knew that he'd feel guilty for leaving me and would instead feed on the unsatisfying wildlife of Forks. I couldn't do that to him, he inconvenienced himself enough to be with me. He and his family lived in constant fear of slipping around me, which would end my life and ruin theirs. The memory of my last birthday haunted them all, and I felt responsible, but I couldn't keep away. They meant everything to me and it was going to be that way forever.

Soon they would not have to worry about making a slip. I was going to become one of them.

My heart skipped a beat at that thought. I was nervous. I was more nervous than I had ever been before. I was going to leave everything I had ever known, but I wasn't afraid and I wasn't unsure. I had never wanted anything so badly in my life. They would be my family, forever.

I often wondered if it was going to be hard to leave everyone else behind. I would miss them, but I knew my scatterbrained mother would be fine she had Phil to take care of her. It was Charlie I worried about most. I knew it would hurt him and I couldn't imagine how I would live on without him, but the only way to ensure his safety would be to keep away.

I wished there was someway that I could still see him, but for a long time it would be too dangerous for him. And after that, it would be too dangerous for me. Our contact would have to end with my rebirth.

My parents weren't the only people that I would miss, but I had already lost the others. It had come down to a decision between the vampires or the wolves. I had chosen my family and sacrificed any possible relationship with my friends. Not that that's exactly what Jacob wanted to be. He wanted to be a lot more than just my friend. If everything in my life was normal, he would be the perfect man for me with his dopey smile and warm sparkling eyes. But my life wasn't normal and my heart was claimed by a boy caught still in time from another century. I was going to become my best friend's mortal enemy and there was nothing I could do to make it any better.

Jacob Black was forever lost to me.

With a glance at my clock, I realized that it was almost nine in the evening and I didn't want to be alone. The images from the nightmare were still fresh in my mind and waves of panic throbbed through my tired body. It was Sunday evening and Edward was due home from the hunt at any moment. Charlie was at dinner at Billy Black's. I would've accompanied him with the underlying intention of speaking to Jake, but I knew from previous experience that if I turned up he would promptly disappear, and so I made my excuses.

I decided to head over to the Cullen's, even if Edward wasn't home yet Alice would probably be around and it would beat being alone. I expected that Alice would see me coming. I half expected her to be standing on the porch with a hairbrush in hand and a huge grin spread across her porcelain face. But she wasn't there to greet me. There was just emptiness.

Undeterred, I jumped ungracefully out of my truck and landed with a stumble that made my ankle throb in protest as I took a step. Cursing my clumsiness I limped towards the porch as the breeze whipped my hair about wildly and obscured my vision.

As I approached I realised that the door was left slightly agar. I assumed that perhaps Alice had seen me coming and left it that way but feelings of unease started to creep into me. It was so quiet. I was too quiet. _Where was everyone?_

"Edward?" I called softly. _Where was he?_

My heart beat fast with fear. Shivers ran up and down my spine. _This could not be happening._

I hurried urgently through the rooms calling Edward's name again and again and never receiving an answer.

_How could they leave me again?_

A panic attack started to build, my head spun dizzily with a thousand thoughts and I emptily gasped for breath. All reason and logic went flying out of the window.

_No, no, no. I couldn't survive this again._

"Alice! Edward!" I screamed.

There was no reply.

The floor suddenly felt much closer and I collapsed onto it. My chest hurt because I had forgotten to breathe. I panted, greedily sucking as much oxygen into my aching lungs as I could. Sobs wracked my body and my heart was beating so fast I thought it might explode. The room spun around me as the gravity of the situation came to mind and my future disappeared before my eyes.

What would happen to me? Even if I could survive the pain again, I wouldn't be alive very long. The Volturi would come for me and I would be painfully mortal. Their blood red eyes flashed in my mind and my nightmare swiftly became a chilling possibility. Would that be my future?

I couldn't breathe and I was going to pass out. Circles danced in my vision and everything became blurry. Then I heard it a quiet sigh, so low that it was almost inaudible, but in that moment, it sounded like the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. "Oh Bella..."

It immediately caused relief to surge through my body. _They hadn't left me. I wasn't alone. _It was chased by embarrassment. _They hadn't left me but I was curled on the floor crying hysterically. _I didn't know how to explain it. I wished the ground would swallow me up.

I looked over to the stairs where Jasper stood. He looked like he was in agony. He was hunched over with his arms folded tightly across his stomach, his knees shaking as though he could collapse and his narrowed in concentration. For a second, he looked as fragile and breakable as a human.

"Bella, I need you to calm down." His voice sounded strained but it was also soft and melodic. It danced over me and felt the tension drawn from my body as some sense of composure returned to me. He was behaving very strangely and I was worried. But I trusted him and so I did as he said, taking steady calming breaths until my head ceased to spin.

I watched him as his strength returned to him; he stood up straight and then looked directly at me. His eyes were flooded with pain and guilt and I felt a strange lurch in my stomach as everything began to make sense.

Jasper could feel my emotions.

"Good," he soothed. "Now, will you tell me what the matter is?"

He knew about my silent torment. I could feel my cheeks colouring, as the blood rushed to them. I had worked so hard to hide the way I felt, but he knew.

_What could I say? How could I possibly sound less insane than I was? What could I possibility say to him that wouldn't make him lose all respect for me?_ In the end, I decided to go for the pathetic truth.

"I had a nightmare."

His expression didn't change. He just observed me with the same careful concentration as usual. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.

I shook my head quickly. "No, I really don't."

He took a few tentative steps towards me. "If you don't mind I'd like to talk to you."

I nodded and followed into the garden.

I had never noticed how beautiful it was out here. Esme was an amazing gardener. The back garden looked like a nature reserve. It was full of milky white snowdrops swaying gently in the breeze. In the corner of the garden was a pond that was frozen over with ice that glistened gently under the moonlight. If it weren't for the awkwardness been us, then it would have taken my breath away.

"It's easier out here," he mumbled. "I'll be less '_distracted'_."

He sent me a lopsided smile of apology, and I found myself returning it.

He motioned me to sit down on the bench and he followed, balanced completely on the edge as far away from me as he could get, while remaining on it. He must've picked up something in my emotions, because he turned to me with that apologetic smile again.

"You must be wondering what I want to talk to you about," I could hear the hesitation in his voice, so I tried to smile encouragingly. But I think it probably came out more like a grimace.

"I think I have some idea," I replied feeling horribly guilty. I stared straight ahead, determined not to look at him, as I was sure my cheeks were still bright red.

"I'm sorry," he whispered so quietly that I barely noticed he had spoken.

I whipped around and stared at him incredulously.

His head was buried in his hands. He looked defeated and resigned, he looked in pain. Looking at him, I felt a strange twinge in my chest that I couldn't identify and I had the sudden urge to reach over to him. But I knew I had to control myself. I had to be slow with Jasper. He found this difficult. I felt like I lost the ability to speak, as he continued, seemingly unaware of the shock I felt.

"You are in so much pain. You don't show us how badly you are hurting, but I can feel it. I am entirely to blame, and you could not comprehend how regretful I am for it. I drove my family away from you. I lost control for a second, and I didn't just nearly end your life, I managed to destroy it."

"Jasper," I interrupted, but he continued as though I hadn't spoken.

"I've always found it harder than the others. Even now it's there growling its way up from inside of me. I am a monster, but I am a monster that is sorry for what I've done to you. I am not going to ask you to forgive me, but I am going to ask you to realise just how sorry I am."

He finally finished his speech and tore his gaze away from his intertwined hands, to focus on me. And for a moment, I was captured by it. I had always thought the Cullen's had golden eyes. I had dismissed them as all the same, but I could see the difference in his. It was closer to bronze than gold. Flecks of light and dark golden tones danced across his iris. Round the edges it faded to black, a clear outline that made the colours contrast deeply and made his stare feel so intense. I felt like he could see beyond every barrier I ever put up. It was as though he could see more than my physical appearance; he could see my every happiness, my every sadness, and my every fear. He could see everything I tried to hide. I was sure of it.

In a second it was over, and I was snapped back to reality as his words sunk in.

"You're angry," he said simply.

"Of course I'm angry," I spluttered. "How could you think, even for one second, that I would blame you?"

He looked stunned. He sat there frozen in place, gaping at me. But I wasn't finished.

"How dare you call yourself a monster!?"

He looked at me as though I was the biggest idiot in the world as he replied. "I am a monster."

I could feel the frustration bubbling in my veins, as I stood up and paced the patio. "You are not a monster."

"How could you even say that?" I continued and fixed my eyes angrily on his, which were rapidly changing colours: a swirl of black and gold beating a deadly rhythm.

He stood up as well, and roared "I TRIED TO KILL YOU!" The sheer volume of his voice hurt my ears.

"BUT YOU DIDN'T!" I yelled back, and took a step forward.

"Because of Ed---"

"NO! NOT BECAUSE OF EDWARD!" I interrupted furiously. "You didn't kill me because you didn't want to."

His features tightened, I could see his muscles tense as though poised for attack, but it didn't deter me. I was too angry to care.

"Don't you see?" I stressed. "If you had wanted to kill me, he could never have stopped you. You know that you're much better fighter than him. You could have gotten to me, but you stopped yourself. You let them pull you away."

It was only then, that I noticed just how close we were standing. I could taste his sweet breath. Just a few centimetres more he'd feel my heart pounding furiously against my chest. 'So much for needing to keep a distance,' I thought smugly. He hadn't noticed, but my scent must have surrounded him. His eyes were completely black, not with hunger, but with anger. Maybe I am a little warped, because I was sure I should've been afraid, but I wasn't.

"I wanted to rip you to pieces and drink your blood. Even now, I want to." He leaned in, until his face was just inches from mine.

He continued his voice dropping to a volume just above a soft whisper. "Can't you see how dangerous I am to you?"

There was a heavy silence, neither of us moved. He was breathing heavily and angrily. I could feel it against my face. And then with an inhuman speed he was gone and stood the other side of the patio.

"So, now you're dangerous to me?" I retorted sarcastically.

He just stared back blankly: his eyes were a swirl of colours again and his lips were curled up into an unmistakable growl.

"Were you dangerous to me when you leapt in front of me when James first detected me?"

I caught an eye roll.

I continued, "Were you dangerous to me when you drove me half way across the country to protect me?" I had never thought about how difficult that journey must've been for him.

I couldn't stop, as all the memories since the Cullen's entered my life came flooding back to me.

"Were you dangerous to me when I was freaking out in the hotel room and you calmed me down?" I had never thanked him for that.

"Were you dangerous to me when you risked your life, and came rushing to my rescue?"

"Were you dangerous to me when my blood was spilt across the studio floor, as you burnt the pieces of James?"

I could see his resolve falling.

"All this was for a human that you want to rip to pieces. Tell me were you dangerous to me then?" I asked softly. "Are you dangerous to me now?"

He looked pained as he murmured, "I'm always dangerous to you."

"Well we're here alone and I couldn't fight you off," I whispered seductively. "Why don't you kill me?"

I saw the look of horror on his face and pushed on.

"Alice would forgive you. You're everything to her. If you slipped up, she'd leave with you tonight."

I slowly closed the distance between us and placed my hands on his strong shoulder. And then possibility in the most dumbest and suicidal move yet I titled my head so that my neck was naked and exposed in front of him.

"Are you going to kill me, Jasper?" I asked in a vicious hiss. "Don't you want to taste me? It would be so easy you just have to bite. I won't even fight back, unless you want me to."

"Jasper? Jasper? Are you going to?"

"Come on then, Jasper."

"BITE ME!" I roared.

The next moments seemed to happen faster than I could comprehend but they seemed to last forever. My heart felt as though it had exploded in my chest as his eyes trailed along my neck and then turned completely black as he leant hungrily forwards. Until I felt his lips brush my neck. And then suddenly I was falling backwards. With a scream of "NO!" he was over to the other side of the patio, holding his breath. His face strained as though he were in pain. I had fallen onto the floor as he pushed me away.

I smiled. I must've looked insane. But I had been right that he was stronger than he thought.

Reluctantly, he smiled back and we walked towards each other, just as the gap was almost closed a blur of colours knocked off of balance. The deafening sound of growls filled the air.

Edward had launched himself in front of me in a protective stance growling like a wild animal, and Jasper growled back. They looked as though they were about to launch into a full fledged battle. Edward paused, and his eyes connected with Jasper's. Their postures relaxed, but Edward did not move. A moment later he turned to face me.

"Have you completely lost your mind?" he hissed.

"He wasn't going to hurt me," I replied stubbornly, and looked at the ground, not wanting to see the anger on Edward's face.

More blurs of colour signified the arrival of the rest of the family: Alice took her usual place at Jasper's side and started to rub his shoulder in a soothing way. Emmett and Rosalie took up positions at Edward's side. Esme looked torn hovering in the middle. And Carlisle was as calm as always. He stood a short distance away from us, observing.

"No wonder he's so scared of himself," I muttered. "You treat him like a monster."

"You didn't read his mind," he replied dangerously, and sent Jasper a dangerous glare.

"I didn't need to," I replied. "I trust him."

"He is a vampire, Bella," Edward replied wearily.

The others, as though sensing the dangerous water he was in, backed away from us slightly.

"Is that the way you're going to treat me?" I asked dangerously.

He didn't answer. I don't think he knew what to say. I don't think he even knew the answer to my question yet.

"You know what? Don't even answer that." I said as I walked away from the unbearably tense garden, and headed towards my truck.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going home!" I said and raised an eyebrow as though daring him to stop me, but he just stood there.

I fixed my gaze on Edward's soft golden eyes. I knew that my actions could've pushed him over the edge. At any second, he could think that it was too dangerous for me to be around him, or his family. I could never have that.

With the anger still pounding through my veins I spoke again. "Oh and one more thing; if you ever even think about leaving me again, Edward Cullen, I swear I will hunt you down and I will kick your ass. I may be mortal but you really don't want to piss me off."

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth like he was going to say something several times but no words came. The rest of the family wore identical expressions of disbelief, except for Carlisle and Jasper. Carlisle just looked eerily calm, I was beginning to doubt if anything shocked him. And when my eyes travelled to Jasper I wasn't expecting what I saw. He was staring straight back at me filled with amusement. His eyes were a strange mix of black and gold, and they sparkled at me. His lips were curled up at the corners, hinting at the smile he was trying to keep at bay. His shoulders were vibrating slightly with withheld laughter.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him.

I started up my truck, and as the roar of the engine broke the silence it made me jump. I heard him disguise a snort of laughter as a cough and I was torn between smiling and glaring.

With a final sigh, I turned my gaze back to Edward, and whispered softly, "I'll leave the window open." My voice was lost in the roar of the engine, but I knew that he'd hear me. I pulled away and put some distance between us and a slow smile started to creep across my face.


	3. Chapter Two

_**Warning**, this chapter contains sexual content. If this offends you make sure you skip the last section (ten paragraphs) and stop reading at the paragraph beginning "I opened my eyes and saw the beautiful, tormented vampire that waited patiently before me"_

Chapter Two

It was indescribable, like warm honey trickling down my throat, and sweetening me from the inside out. It was like an explosion of heat that pulled me in, and caressed me with the soft waves from a fireplace, not the painful uncontrollable kind of fire, which I had associated with my life so far, but instead it was like a warm blanket placed over me on a frosty night. It was comforting. And it didn't just simmer inside me, it radiated from me. If it was visible, I was sure it would light up the entire forest, like a blinding beam of sunlight. However, it couldn't be seen. It couldn't be felt upon the skin. It was not tangible at all. It was just a feeling, and for once, it was completely mine.

My entire existence as a vampire had been spent upon a painfully narrow ledge between life, and death. I forever lingered trapped in the middle. I lived a cursed existence. When Alice had found me and filled me with hope she gave me a reason to exist, but this moment had given me a life.

I had passed the test. I had been pushed to my limits, in fact, I had been pushed beyond them, but I didn't fail. I didn't give in to the demon inside me. I was more than just this curse. I had retained my humanity. I could feel it bubbling inside me, and it was stronger than I ever had realised. I no longer had a heartbeat, but for the first time in almost two centuries I felt alive.

It took a while for the roar of the truck to fade. It must have been at least two miles away before the sound died down. In its wake, it left a whirlwind of dust dancing under the glowing moonlight, and a coven of vampires frozen in it, like beautiful stone statues in the breathtaking garden.

There was a stunned silence, and no-one wanted to be the first to break it. Emmett, as usual, was the first to speak. "Whoa," he breathed. "PMS much!?"

I felt the mood lighten, as a chorus of groans filled the night air. '_Trust Emmett,_' I sniggered to myself.

Esme glided over to Edward. "Edward?" she asked delicately, placing a small hand upon his shoulder.

He didn't respond. He didn't show any signs that he'd even heard her. He wasn't even breathing. I wanted to laugh.

"I think he's in shock," I commented, unable to contain the wicked grin that snuck onto my face.

Noticing my grin, Emmett came forwards, with an expression resembling mine. "Shouldn't we slap him, or something?" His voice was deceptively innocent, but I could hear the mischief behind his words. Our eyes connected, and I turned away to hide my laughter, as Emmett raised one giant hand.

"I wouldn't advise it," Carlisle warned smoothly from behind him. Emmett turned around with an expression that resembled a child caught misbehaving. He nodded, and lowered his hand.

I caught Carlisle's quiet chuckle, as he disappeared inside with Esme, who was following closely behind him, her emotions a mixture between concern, and amusement.

"Neither would I," Edward replied. Then he turned to me.

"What did you do to her?" he growled accusingly. I could sense that his anger wasn't as deep rooted as he feigned. He forgave me. He always did.

I knew what he was asking. He was asking if her emotions had been manipulated by me. I wished I could be annoyed by his accusation, but I knew how easy it was for my emotions to overflow to the people around me. But this time, it had nothing to do with me, it was all her. I couldn't help but to be slightly awestruck by that.

I slowly shook my head. "I didn't do anything, that was all her." I struggled to keep the awestruck tone out of my voice, but knew I didn't have a chance in hell of keeping it out of my thoughts.

He nodded, seeing the truth behind my words. Then suddenly, he froze, as unbidden images seeped into my thoughts: Bella cowered on the floor suffocating on her own tears, her confession that she had had a nightmare, the months of pain that I had experienced as I was trapped in Bella's own personal hell. I tried to distract myself, and focus on the present, but it was too late. The damage was done.

"My God," he murmured in a strangled voice. "She still thinks I'm going to leave her." His pain and guilt crippled me, but I pretended not to notice.

I replied slowly and cautiously, "she got depressed… she got enraged, and now," I paused. "She will move on from the past."

"I love her," he muttered adamantly. "I'll never leave her again."

His emotions were hammering me, I felt as though my un-beating heart was going to rip out of my chest with guilt. Not just his guilt, but with mine too, because we both played a part in her pain. I had to leave, before it got too much for me to handle, but I stayed for another minute to offer some brotherly advice.

I slowly patted him on the back. "I'm not the one you need to tell that to." I gave him a significant look and then, with half a smile, I followed the others into the house.

Edward remained alone in the moonlight, and then, as I turned back to wish him good luck, he disappeared. 'Good luck' I thought and hoped that he heard.

He would see her tonight. He would grovel. He would profess his undying love. He would swear on every fibre of his existence that he'd always be there for her. He would never leave her again. And in time she'd heal. She'd become one of us, and then they would have their happily ever after.

At least that's how it was supposed to be.

Relief coursed through my body as I escaped the tense garden. I felt Alice's small hand close around mine, and looked beside me with a smile, which she quickly returned. My God, she was so beautiful. Every time I looked at her, it took my breath away. She was so blinding, I'd lose all trail of thought every time my eyes grazed her tiny figure. It was like constantly seeing the sun for the first time. She squeezed my hand, and I allowed my emotions to surge through her.

She glowed, and her dazzling smile seemed to grow. Without a thought on my mind, I followed her up the steps, and into our bedroom, where I closed the distance between us. It never failed to amaze me how perfectly we fitted together, like two pieces of a puzzle. It was like we were made for each other. Every time her small body pressed against mine, it was like finding home.

I brought my fingers to her cheek and caressed her elfin face. I gazed into her liquid gold eyes and saw everything I felt reflected in them. "I love you," I whispered, and leaned down to capture her lips in a sweet and slow, kiss.

She kissed back fiercely against my lips, pausing for a moment to mumble, "I missed you, baby."

A fresh wave of guilt coursed through me as I remembered my distance the past few months. "I'm sorry," I murmured in-between kisses. "I'm here now."

"Mmmhmm," she moaned as my hands trailed lower. We stumbled backwards to the bed where I spent the night reaffirming my love to my wife, over and over again, as her soft moans echoed into the darkness.

**********

The morning came far too soon. The steady break of crimson in the indigo sky sent a wave of reluctance through me. I wished that I could stop time, and remain like this forever: Alice's small body melded perfectly into mine, skin against skin, her head buried into my neck, my arms wrapped around her body, and my fingers drawing small circles across her hips. It was the closest to heaven that I'd ever get.

"What are you thinking?" she whispered against my neck, sending waves of lust coursing through my body.

I softly kissed the top of her head. "That it doesn't get any better than this," I replied huskily.

She nodded silently in agreement and pressed herself against my body, as though trying to move closer to me. I chuckled lightly and stroked my hands through her silky hair.

We remained tangled together, as the sky outside changed colour, and eventually cascaded the earth with the warm scattering of sunlight. It seeped through the cracks in the shutters, and our bodies glittered beneath it shining sparkling patterns across the walls. I was torn between smiling at the beauty of the sunlight, and grimacing at the fact it would keep us confined to the shadows for the day.

Alice seemed perfectly content with that idea, as her hands trailed across the contours of my bare chest, and down my stomach, followed by her lips kissing every spot that her fingers touched. I moaned in contentment, and I felt her smile against my stomach.

I heard the door opening downstairs, and caught Edward's scent. He must've come home to get changed before Bella awoke, and that gave me a small window of opportunity.

"Hmm," I moaned softly. "I need to run out."

She stopped immediately and climbed back up my body. "Why?" she pouted.

I froze, would she see if I lied? In the end I decided it was a risk I had to take. "I just need to pick something up," I lied smoothly, and decided that I could check up on her Christmas present while I was in town. I distracted her with a kiss, the kind that left her body tingling. And while she was distracted, I untangled my body from hers, and pulled on a pair of jeans.

"Mmm, okay," she surrendered. "But it better be expensive."

I chuckled as I leaned in to softly kiss her goodbye.

**********

I sped through the forest, and hoped that there weren't any early morning hikers about. I was quite deep within the woodland, so I didn't consider it a huge risk. If a human had gotten this deep, it was unlikely they'd make it out anytime soon. I could pick up so many different scents that made my mouth water, which brought on the urge to hunt. I pushed it back, as I weaved through the trees, and raced against time. I reached the edge of the forest, and I slowed to a jog.

The sunlight both limited, and helped me. It kept me confined to the shadows, but also meant that Edward would be likely to delay his return, and wait for the clouds to set in. The house finally came into my line of sight. Praying that no one was watching; I launched myself from the shade of the forest, and into the sunlight in front of the house, keeping my ears and eyes peeled for any humans. Luckily, it was still very early, and there didn't seem to be anyone outside. Chief Swan's police car was already absent from the drive. He must've left for work, so that was one obstacle down. I debated whether to enter through the window or not, and decided against it. I didn't want to risk being caught breaking into the Chief's house.

Instead, I walked to the front door and within a matter of seconds swung it open. I strolled into the house, keeping my footsteps as light as possible. I assumed Bella would still be asleep, but I was wrong. Almost as soon as I entered the property, I was overwhelmed by her scent, and the stench of what I could only assume was human food. I held my breath for both reasons, and walked into the kitchen, where I found her in sweats, and a t-shirt, distracted by the thudding of a walkman in her ears, which she hummed along with tunelessly. She poured a glass of orange juice, and I watched her with faint amusement. It was such a human moment, I felt very out of place.

I cleared my throat, hoping to attract her attention, but she remained oblivious. I felt slightly guilty at my intrusion, but I took a moment to study her. She was still painfully thin, but ever since yesterday, the rosy glow in her cheeks had returned. Whatever Edward said, did wonders. She had clearly not been awake long: her hair fell untamed down her back in a tangle of curls, and her sweats hung low on her hips, exposing the creamy pale skin of her back. There was no denying that she was attractive, it was strange really that I thought so, we were like polished marble, humans saw us as the image of perfection with our flawless skin, smooth contours, and perfect flowing hair. She couldn't be more different. It was as though there was perfection in her imperfection. If we were marble and silk, then she was honey and cotton: simple, comfortable, and completely natural.

I found her lack of awareness strangely endearing, and with a quiet chuckle I stepped forwards and tapped her gently on the shoulder.

She spun around, spatula in hand, and body poised to fight. I couldn't stop the burst of laughter that tumbled from my lips.

Her cheeks flushed a deep red, and she pulled the earphones from her ears, dropping the spatula as she did so.

I couldn't speak. In that one moment it felt as though every word in the English dictionary had gone flying out of my head, and I was left completely speechless. I searched my vacant brain for something to say that didn't involve the word 'beautiful', or a hundred other different adjectives that would be likely to make me cringe, and her to stare in shocked silence.

"You're awake," I finally managed to say, and then cursed myself for ridiculously stating the obvious.

"Yeah," she replied quietly. "I couldn't sleep."

"Because Edward isn't here?" I asked, and I noticed the shaking in my voice. I prayed that she wouldn't notice. I couldn't understand what it was about her that suddenly made me lose my head. Even her mere presence was intoxicating. I felt like a hormonal school boy that couldn't control his urges, as I greedily breathed in her scent, which scolded my mouth and throat.

Then I realised that she was looking at me as though expecting a response. Waves of embarrassment coursed through me. "I'm sorry," I mumbled averting my eyes. "Could you repeat that?"

"Oh," she stuttered nervously. "I was just asking what you're doing here so early."

Oh, I, umm..." Inwardly I cursed my incoherent mumblings. "I wanted to tell you that you were right."

"I usually am," she responded with a cheeky grin.

"And," I continued. "I am very grateful."

She smiled warmly.

"So," I pressed tentatively. "How have you been?"

"Oh God," she cried burying her head in her hands. "I'm so sorry you had to see that."

"It's okay."

"No, really," she enthused. "I'm sorry." I knew then that she had realised what her depression had done to me. I could feel the waves of guilt throbbing through her, and gave her a moment to calm down.

Under my intense scrutiny she shyly smiled, diverted her eyes to the floor and answered quietly. "I'm much better now. I promise."

"I know." I returned her smile. "And just to clarify, I doubt Edward will never leave you again for fear of a serious ass kicking," I chuckled, and her cheeks flooded with colour.

She slowly started to laugh too. Her warm chocolate eyes finally met mine and nervously she spoke again. "It wasn't just Edward I was scared of losing," she stuttered.

"Oh Bella," I sighed. "You're a part of our family. Do you really think we'd give you up that easily?"

She didn't answer but her gaze fell, once again, to the floor.

"Haven't you seen the way Esme and Carlisle look at you? They love you." I shyly averted my eyes and continued at a volume so low that I wasn't sure she'd be able to hear. "We all do."

Her emotions exploded. All of a sudden, I was floored, both emotionally and physically, as she threw herself at me. The combination of the two did something to me very unnatural for a vampire it made me lose my balance. We fell into a heap on the floor, with her warm human body pressed against mine. I could hear her heart racing, and it made the thirst burn through me furiously. It seared every inch of my body with a burning fire that demanded me to do something to quench it. She shifted on top of me, and at that point, I almost lost control. I pushed her off of my shaking body with a bruising force. She fell onto the kitchen tiles with an exclamation of pain.

With all the control I had left, I pushed myself across to the other side of the room, and tried to calm down. It didn't help that her emotions combined with mine. I felt panic, mixed with something else I couldn't quite identify, and didn't linger on trying to.

"Did I hurt you badly," I hissed through gritted teeth.

"No," she said softly, and for once did the smart thing and kept her distance.

"I'm sorry." She sounded full of guilt, but I couldn't understand why.

"There's no need to apologize," I said stiffly. "I'll be fine in a minute."

I could still feel the tortuous waves of guilt flowing from her.

"Bella," I snapped. "I'm fine, so stop agonizing."

Her emotions dulled down into a confusing mix, which was too quickly changing to identify. We both lapsed into silence.

When I finally felt in control I edged over to her and smiled apologetically. I knew how guilty she felt, and didn't want her to blame herself. I gently placed my hand on top of hers, and smiled hoping it would comfort her. But as our skin touched she shuddered and so I quickly pulled away my hand. I didn't want to frighten her.

"Is it still hard to be around me?"

I decided not to sugar coat the truth and so I answered honestly, "extremely."

"I'm sorry."

I sighed. "Please stop apologising."

"Sorry," she answered quickly. Then when she realised what she had said her eyes widened and she quickly said it again. "Sorry."

I groaned and then I laughed. Bella started laughing too. I could feel her emotions reflecting onto me, and I let mine reflect back onto her. We were both in hysterical laughter, and she had tears of laughter streaming down her red cheeks. When all of the tension had faded from the room, I lessened the intensity of the emotions and we both calmed down. But the remnants of our smiles were still lingering on our faces.

"Jasper?" she said warily and seeing the sparkling in her eyes I got a strange nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. Her emotions were unstable and changing quickly from excitement to nervousness and fear. She looked determined and I knew that I was not going to like what she was going to say next.

"If you could do something to make it easier to be around me in future would you do it, even if it was really hard?"

"Yes, in a heartbeat. Well, figuratively speaking, of course." I joked, but grew nervous when she didn't laugh with me, instead her eyes lit up with satisfaction.

"Bella" I said warily. "What are you thinking?"

There was no denying that she wouldn't look at me this time. She became suddenly fascinated by her feet. "Well, err. When we first became a couple Edward did something to make it easier."

I held my breath.

"I don't know what the technical term is," she said, gaining more confidence. "But I lay down and Edward lay on top of me--"

"Whoa, whoa," I joked. "Stop right there, I'm a married man." Emmett would have loved that one.

She blushed intensely. All the way down from her face, down to her neck, and to where I was sure it trailed beneath her t-shirt and lower... My eyes snapped back up to her face, as I tried to shake the thought from my mind. So much for being a married man.

She punched me playfully on the arm and then shook her hand about in pain. "Ouch," I taunted.

"Anyway," she continued. "He put his head above my heart and it seemed to work for his self control. He doesn't have trouble being around me anymore. I guess he has gotten past the worst, so nothing else can compare."

Sometime during her explanation, shock set in, and then anger. 'How could she even suggest that!?' How could Edward have put her life at risk like that?' Oblivious to my anger, she continued babbling on her voice filling with excitement as she continued. Eventually she trailed off, and looked at me with enthusiastic eyes.

"So what do you think?" she asked smiling.

"I think that you're completely insane," I spat, unable to contain the growls that ripped through my chest.

She looked unfazed, almost like she had been expecting my outburst. "I probably am," she replied playfully.

I paced the room anxiously, trying to find the words to explain the frustration I felt. "ARGH!" I yelled.

"Bella are you fucking with me?" I groaned turning to face her.

She raised an eyebrow at me and shook her head. I sighed and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. I found myself completely absorbed by the fruit bowl on the table. "I think you overestimate my control," I muttered.

She sat down on the chair next to me, and pulled one of my hands into hers. I continued to stare blankly at the fruit bowl. With her other hand, she touched the side of my face, and I turned to meet her warm gaze. "I don't think you have enough faith in yourself," she smiled.

I sighed, and rubbed my head as though I was getting a headache, it was habit that stuck from my human life. I noticed that my other hand was entwined with hers.

"Will you consider it?" she pushed impatiently.

I smiled brightly at her and a grin crept onto her face as she thought she had won. Then I let the smile fall off of mine and laughed. "No!"

"But it could help you!"

"It could kill you."

Her thumb rubbed gently across my hand, as I found myself absorbed by it, watching the dancing pattern she weaved. "I know you won't hurt me."

"You don't know that," I replied playfully, and then my voice became more sombre, as I looked seriously at her with my eyes begging her to understand. "I'm not strong enough."

"You don't know that," she echoed in a poor imitation of my voice, which made me smile.

I sighed, and knew that I was fighting a lost battle. She was too damn stubborn for her own good.

"Will you consider it?"

I paused and then replied softly. "I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask," she said contentedly.

I didn't know if I could do what she asked of me. There was only one thing that I was sure of; if I ever hurt her I would not be able to live with myself.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by her arm twitching. I noticed that our hands were still linked and realised the impropriety of the situation and so I quickly pulled my hand from her grip.

I felt a strange emotion coming off of Bella like my chest would tighten and my eyes would fill with tears. It felt like rejection and disappointment, but it made no sense so I pushed it aside.

"I should leave before Edward returns," I said, getting to my feet. All of a sudden awkwardness took over me and I didn't know what to say or do. All I knew was that I really didn't want to leave and so the wisest course of action was to.

Her brown eyes met mine and I could see some sort of disappointment in them. I felt as though I had just failed a test. "If you think that is necessary," she replied.

I nodded my head and walked past her to the door. She didn't turn around and I paused in the doorway trying to make the moment last as long as possible. My eyes swept her one final time and I whispered "I wish I didn't have to leave." I had whispered it so quietly I wasn't sure if she would even hear me but I didn't wait around to find out. Before the words had settled in the air I was gone.

*********

I arrived home fresh from the hunt. I could feel the blood seeping through my body making my skin buzz and tingle with warmth. I had taken down several elk, I had lacked in the self control to wait as Bella's scent clung to my clothes and refused to fade. The searing burn in my throat had been sated for now. If I continued to visit Bella then I would have to increase my hunting pattern. Her scent still surrounded me like a tortuous perfume. I breathed it in deeply until my head span with intoxication and the venom pooled in my blood stained mouth. I groaned and then held my breath. That girl would be the death of me.

I had barely taken a step through the door before Emmett called out to me. I looked over inquisitively and was met by his huge grin. He slouched on the sofa with a games console controller in hand. I smiled back, and pushed his legs off of the sofa, taking the seat beside him.

"You ready to lose?" I taunted.

"Says the loser," he retorted… badly. We exchanged glances, and I raised my eyebrows.

He groaned. "Can we pretend I never said that?"

"You mean you want me to forget your thirteen year old girl moment? I nodded understandingly. "No, I don't think so… loser."

"Whatever."

"Talk to the hand," I mocked.

He rolled his eyes and pressed start. "Are we going to do this or what?"

I didn't have time to reply because a voice from behind us caught my attention.

"Jasper."

I put down my controller and turned around, ignoring Emmett's groans. As I did the breath caught in my throat.

Alice stood on the staircase bathed in sunlight. Her gaze didn't falter as she glided down the steps. She was wearing a tight cream dress, and looked like a glittering angel, but before my lustful feelings could resurface, her golden stare burnt into mine, and I felt as if I had been scorched.

"We need to talk, now."

Her voice sounded unfamiliar to me. It was oddly clipped, and I could barely recognize my lover beneath it. Her eyes were also different, they were usually warm and fluid, like liquid gold, but they had hardened with a cold metallic glint. I tried to read her emotions, but all I could detect was an eerie sense of calm. It was as though she was purposely controlling her self. It didn't bode well with me.

"I think you're in trouble," Emmett teased.

I stood and walked over to her, while trying to ignore the twisting sensation in my gut. As I drew closer, I ashamedly lowered my head, and halted in an awkward silence.

"Oh, man," Emmett boomed, his laughter sounding through the house. "She has got you whipped!"

One look from Alice was enough to silence him. He gulped loudly, and seemed to find a sudden and intense fascination with the game menu.

"Follow me." She span on the spot and stormed out of the house into the bright glow of sunlight. She didn't even turn to check if I complied she just raced ahead into the forest.

_'Fuck_,' I thought nervously. _'I must be in some serious shit._'

I reluctantly followed her, and as I stepped outside, the sun slipped behind the clouds, and the world ceased to glitter.

"Perfect," I sighed. "Just perfect."

*********

I followed her scent deep into the forest, until we were out of hearing distance from the others. When I caught up I found her sitting majestically on a log. She stood as I approached. It was then that I felt it.

It stung like a throbbing wound submerged in salt. It was like an intense pain was seeping through every inch of my granite skin, and into my blood where it burnt where it burnt and scarred every part of my body. I would gladly drink down a shot of venom as opposed to this. The similarities between the two were remarkable. It was like acid eating away my insides, and yet I carried on feeling the surface pain, as though I was being bombarded with a million tiny paper cuts every time that I took a breath.

"You lied to me," she hissed.

"I'm sorry," I had no words to describe how much so.

"That's beside the point," she sighed. "I saw what Bella asked you, and I don't think it's a good idea."

Anger and disappointment coursed through my body. "I won't hurt her!" I snapped. I managed to shock my self with that statement. _Since when had I agreed to Bella's plan?_ I hadn't, not consciously at least.

Alice looked doubtful, that stung. She was my reason for existence, and even she didn't have faith in me. "How can you be sure?"

"I just am," I replied sullenly.

"Why?"

If I was going to be honest, I had no idea. I just couldn't imagine anything worse than hurting the breakable human that had such faith in me._ How could I make sense of that? How could I possibly explain it? _I didn't know, so I remained silent.

"See," she enthused, as though she had just proved a point. "You can't even answer that."

"I WILL NOT hurt her!" I growled, struggling to remain calm.

Her frustration poured out into me and burned my body with white hot fury as she screamed at an inhuman volume, "WHY!?"

"BECAUSE I CAN'T HURT HER!" The volume of my own voice too echoed through the forest, and startled several birds from the surrounding trees, causing them to fly out and squawk in fear.

Meanwhile, we remained silent, in an uneasy standoff.

"I, I, umm," I stuttered. "I mean, I won't."

I heard her snort, and then I felt it hidden behind the anger. It made my head spin and I felt as though I had a heartbeat pounding in my ears. I wondered how I hadn't noticed sooner. It was so intense. It was smouldering and sour. It filled my head with enough resentment to make me lose control. It felt as if somebody had plunged their hand into my chest and torn away at my dead heart.

She was jealous of Bella. Could she be any more ridiculous? I was deeply in love with Alice. I always had been, and always would be. We were made for each other. She knew that, and so did Bella.

I was infatuated by a human? It was a laughable idea.

I closed my eyes and unbidden images of Bella flowed into my mind: the warmth that coursed through me when her body pressed against mine, the way her chocolate brown eyes darkened, the way her pulse raced. I lingered on how close her lips had been to mine, and wondered what would have happened if I hadn't pushed her body off of mine. What if instead, I had claimed those warm lips? They looked so soft and delicate, would they burn with the passion I imagined? What would she taste like? Could she possibly be as sweet as my overactive mind thought?

The images that bombarded my mind made me shudder with desire…_ hips grinding… soft moans... exposed skin… kissing… caressing… her soft body beneath mine… the warmth… the heat… the fire… convulsing as she screams out my name…  
_  
I opened my eyes and saw the beautiful, tormented vampire that waited patiently before me, in her own personal agony. Guilt licked up inside me, it sickened me. I had no clue what to with it all, it was too much to handle and so I let my instincts take over.

A deep primal need gripped me and with supernatural speed I surged forwards and closed the distance between us capturing her lips in an urgent bruising kiss. She didn't hesitate. It was as though she had been waiting for it as she responded eagerly wrapping her legs around my waist, and grinding furiously against me. I moved until her back was pressed against the nearest trunk.

Overcome with desperation she ripped the shirt violently from my body and left it in pieces on the ground. I moved my lips to her slender neck and she moaned loudly, bucking against me more urgently. I ripped the flimsy dress from her body; I needed to feel her skin against mine. Her underwear soon vanished too and I realised I too were naked. I had no idea how it had happened and I chuckled against her neck.

I pressed her into the tree, hard, and buried my face in her shoulder as I entered her. Our gasps echoed through the forest.

"Tell me you love me," she begged.

"I love you, Alice," I moaned as I thrust into her. I could feel her muscles tensing around me as her body started to shudder and shake bringing me closer to the edge. But she stopped me she grew still and whimpered softly. I could feel she was close, but she refused release as she dragged her nails across my skin, barely leaving a mark.

"Promise me you won't leave me."

I hesitated and was hit with a wall of emotions. It felt as though I was falling, like the ground had disappeared beneath me and the world was passing me by at a dizzying speed. The warmth was slowly trickling from my body and I was left cold, so cold I was shuddering with pain and yet it kept on getting colder. If felt like I was clasping onto hands that were slowly pulling away under my fingertips and panic stormed through my body as I anticipated the long plummet.

"Promise me!" she screamed pushing furiously against me.

"I'll never leave you, Alice," I breathed. "I promise." And then thrust into her with all my strength, not holding back at all, and she cried out in pleasure. In our rhythm we moved together as we neared climax. The image of Bella came back into my mind and I achieved release with an animalistic scream, thrusting deep into her as my vision exploded and her body shuddered wildly against mine. But through my haze I could've sworn I heard her mutter 'mine.'

We lay on the floor in a tangle of entwined limbs. She wrapped an arm across my chest and closed her eyes, seemingly content. But the afterglow didn't last long and all too soon reality came crashing in around me. It seemed the heat of the moment could be lost in the blink of an eye. I turned cold and numb in her embrace.

I felt her shift and fixed my eyes on her perceptive orbs that shone a warm buttery colour. She smiled a dazzling smile which I returned even though I knew that it wouldn't quite meet my eyes or match her warmth. Her eyes darkened slightly around the edges and she tore them away from mine and focused them on the forest floor. Then, she ran her tiny fingers along the ground and gripped tattered scraps of material which had once been part of my shirt. The ground was scattered with the small strips our clothes had become and her eyes moved from them to our naked bodies that glistened faintly under the sunlight trickling through the canopy.

"Oops."


End file.
